


I Know (Do You?)

by kitkatt0430



Series: Barry Allen Week 2019 [5]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Barry and Eddie friendship, Barry and Iris are bad at communicating, Barry briefly dates Linda but it doesn't last, Barry knows Iris is the Flash, F/M, Family Drama, Iris West is The Flash, Jealousy, amicable breakup though, and he's not exactly happy with being kept in the dark, but she doesn't know he knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21569080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: The first time she saves him, they're still calling her 'the streak'.  But Barry would know that face, that voice, anywhere.  Even with the attempt to disguise how she sounds.  That's Iris West, his best friend... the woman he's been very quietly in love with for years.  Except it pretty quickly becomes clear she has no intention of actually sharing this secret with him.  Which is more than a little insulting, considering how long they've been friends.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Eddie Thawne, Barry Allen/Iris West, Barry Allen/Linda Park
Series: Barry Allen Week 2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1346563
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	I Know (Do You?)

**Author's Note:**

> Barry Allen Week 2 Prompt - Role Reversal
> 
> This was supposed to be a lighthearted story where Barry made Iris jealous of his crush on her alter ego. Instead it turned into a dumping ground for all my feelings about Barry and Iris' season 1 relationship issues. I'll have to try again for the humor later.

Barry had heard rumors about the Streak, a blur of light and color - of lightning - streaking around the city and holding a person inside of it. But he hadn't really put much stock in the stories until that very moment when the Streak herself pulled him out of the bus as it flipped over in mid air.

One moment he was being flung towards a window and absolutely certain this was gonna be it for him and the next he was safe on the ground, several yards away, surrounded by his fellow passengers and the bus driver. Even the wailing baby in her mother's arms was okay, not even a single scratch.

In the aftermath, it was Barry the Streak spoke to. Asking him with a vibrating voice if he was okay - if everyone was okay.

"It looks like we're all okay, but paramedics are on the way to look us over just in case," Barry told her, unable to help what he knew had to be a sort of dopey looking grin on his face. But it didn't matter that a mask covered part of her face or that she was vibrating her vocal chords to alter the sound of her voice. Barry would recognize this woman anywhere. He'd been in love with her for over half his life, after all.

Iris - the Streak - smiled broadly. A smile that never failed to make Barry fall just a little bit more in love every time he saw it. "I'm glad you're okay. You're all okay. I should..." she gestured over her shoulder as if to leave and then ran off, leaving Barry standing there feeling a little dazed. But at least now it made sense why Iris had kept grumbling about the blog posts about the Streak and correcting all the pronouns. She hated the name too, so the least Barry could do was use the name she actually liked, later, when he had a reporter come up and ask him what it was like being saved by the Streak.

"What was it like when Streak saved you? I've heard he actually spoke to you for a few moments after the crash," Linda Park said, holding her mic out towards him for a reply.

"She did speak to me. She wanted to be sure everyone was unharmed," Barry grinned when the reporter's eyebrows went up at the use of 'she' instead of 'he.' "Though I'm a little surprised to hear you calling her the Streak; I was under the impression she was going by the Flash."

 _The Flash Saves Busload_ was the lead CCPN headline the next morning.

Iris looked like she wanted to frame it.

But she didn't... she didn't say anything. Not that Barry was expecting a thank you for getting the the Flash's name updated or pronouns corrected. She saved his life; he should be thanking her. But how was he supposed to thank her when every time Barry tried to bring up the fact that he knew she was the Flash, Iris changed the topic of conversation. Or had to take an urgent phone call. 

She was running off to be the Flash, Barry quickly realized. Running off... and leaving him behind.

"She's never going to tell me," Barry finally realized one night when, after Joe got called out to a crime scene, Iris made a paper thin excuse to leave. He might've felt his heart break, just a little, at the realization. Whether she simply didn't trust him or this was some sort of poorly thought out attempt to protect him, Barry simply couldn't tell. And did it matter? The end result was the same.

Iris was slowly pushing Barry out of her life.

* * *

She saves him again, this time from a criminal hiding at a crime scene that was improperly cleared by a rookie cop. Iris snatches the bullets out of the air and has the shooter in cuffs before Barry can so much as blink, heart pounding from the sudden adrenaline.

"Thank you, Flash," he tells her.

"I should thank you," Iris replies, grinning at him. "I hated being called the Streak. The Flash is very much an improvement."

It's a terrible, terrible idea. Barry does it anyway. "Well, I can't really take the credit for that one. My best friend, Iris, came up with it."

"You'll have to thank her for me, too, then. But you're the one who actually got people to use that name. So thank you, Barry." This is probably the most he's spoken to Iris in a week. And she thinks he thinks he's talking to someone else.

It hurts.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

In for a penny, in for a pound, Barry supposes. "I just miss her. Which is probably a stupid thing to say. We're living in the same house. But I haven't actually talked to her in a week. I just got shot at, but I'm more upset by the way she and I are drifting apart these days." It's the internship with STAR Labs that seems to take up so much of her time. And Barry's about 90% sure that's a cover for Flash business... which means that people Iris barely knows compared to him are aware she's the Flash.

And she still hasn't even hinted that she might be the Flash to him.

He's pissed off at her, but he doesn't say that. If he didn't know Iris was the Flash, it wouldn't be the sort of thing he'd share with a stranger. Iris would find it weird, later, once she thought about it.

"Sorry," he sighed. "Just sort of babbling on there and it's not really..."

"It's fine." Its hard to read Iris' tone when she's vibrating her voice like that, but she sounds like she's upset. Hopefully guilty upset. Maybe guilty upset enough to finally come clean to him about being the Flash. "I did ask, right?" And her voice is definitely a little strained there. "I'm glad you're okay," she adds, heartfelt, and that thaws some of Barry's frustration with her.

He should just tell her he knows, but he doesn't. Iris runs off as Joe comes into hearing range, tearing the rookie a new one.

Barry wonders if Joe knows about Iris being the Flash and figures the answer is probably 'no'. Joe was adamant Iris not become a cop; he'd never be okay with her doing the super hero thing. Barry resolved to cut her some slack and just tell her himself. Later. When they weren't at an active crime scene.

* * *

Joe knows. He makes a lame excuse for Iris running late for family dinner night and Barry just...

He has to go outside because he's suddenly very angry. And a little worried that it's not really them. It's him. That he did something to deserve being kept out of the loop. He's not sure if that'd be better or worse than the other fear. The one that quietly says that all the 'you're part of the family, Barr' stuff was just bullshit.

Sitting in the back yard, Barry finds himself checking his finances on his banking phone app and thinking that maybe its time he moved out. College had cost a lot - getting a Masters degree was not cheap - and he'd been saving money by staying with Joe and Iris. But he could afford a place of his own. Nothing fancy. Probably more like a studio apartment than a one-bedroom. But there were some very nice studio apartments within walking distance of the precinct and it'd be an easy sell to say he felt like he needed a little more independence and make a joke about getting to work on time to get Joe on board with one of his baby birds leaving the nest.

But there's this ache in Barry's chest now that he can't quite dislodge. The feeling like his home suddenly isn't a place where he's completely welcome. That the people who love him don't see him the way he sees them. Maybe don't want to see him.

He's about to go back inside and beg off dinner claiming he feels sick when Iris comes out the back door and sits down quietly beside him. So Barry locks his phone and greets her. There's really no hiding how sad he feels right now.

"Hey Barr," Iris replies and she sounds just as sad. Just as lost.

How were they supposed to fix this chasm between them?

The words 'I know you're the Flash' die on Barry's lips before he can manage to speak them. Sort of the way 'I love you' has been killed so many times before. Iris speaks over him, eager to apologize for being distant lately and trying to repair the damage, but she's not paying attention to whats causing the problems between them so what she's offering is more bandage than fix.

Barry wonders when she'll figure that out.

* * *

Barry was never all that great at making friends. Natural social awkwardness didn't pair well with being the kid bullies loved to target in high school. (Tony Woodward had been even worse after Barry's parents died in the wreck. A drunk driver had caused the wreck; Tony liked to insinuate that drunk driver had been Barry's dad. Henry Allen never drove drunk a day in his life, though, and Barry got more than a few detentions for hitting back after Tony said shit like that.) College was easier, but all his college friends were out of state. He didn't see much of his fellow CSIs, since he was the in house CSI for the CCPD and only visited the off site location maybe once a month. 

He was starting to make friends with Eddie Thawne, but Barry saw the way Eddie and Iris flirted when they met and it made him sick with jealousy. He tries not to be a jerk to Eddie about it, but Eddie's kicked-puppy expression tells Barry he's failed.

Barry also tries spending time with Iris' new STAR Labs friends, Cisco, Caitlin, and Hartley. They're all very nice people who very clearly know Iris is the Flash and even if they didn't, Barry feels awkward and out of place with them. It's almost a relief when their phones go off for what he thinks he hears Cisco call a meta-alert.

He goes home to Joe's empty house and cries himself to sleep.

In the morning, he tours the studio apartment in the complex closest to the precinct and imagines his bed, dresser, and various other things in there. The kitchenette is nice and he could add a small rolling island to double as both prep space and a table to eat at (possibly triple up and use it as his laptop's work station). The rent is reasonable and it's the best out of the apartments he's checked out so far.

Barry signs the contract before he can change his mind.

* * *

In retrospect, Barry probably should've told Joe and Iris he was planning on moving out before he got the apartment, not after. But they're good sports about it, and maybe a little guilty considering how shifty they get when he points out that neither of them have been around much lately.

They help him move his things and Joe surprises Barry with a tv stand that matches his bedroom furniture. Iris surprises him with a small second-hand tv to go with it. He winds up getting himself a rolling kitchen island and some basic kitchen essentials, though he does still have some things left over from his college days when he'd shared an apartment with three of his friends.

It's a fun weekend, getting Joe and Iris' help moving in to his new place. But when its over and they leave, he's still acutely aware of this growing distance between them and resolves to apologize the next time he sees Eddie.

* * *

"You like her, don't you? Iris, I mean. I was the one being an ass, hitting on the girl you like," Eddie deflects.

"It's not like I said anything," Barry offered quietly, leaning against the break room counter, staring down into his coffee. "I've told her how I feel more than a few times, but either she's incredibly oblivious or genuinely thinks pretending to blatantly misunderstand what I'm saying is somehow the better option than outright rejection... and I honestly don't know which is worse at this point." He breathed out a hard sigh. "I was a jerk and I'm sorry, Eddie. If you and Iris like each other you shouldn't feel like you can't pursue that just because I like her too, okay? That's been a non starter since I was twelve."

"Twelve?"

"I asked her to the school dance. She told me that she wanted to go on someone she could have a date-date with, not a friend date, but it was sweet of me to ask."

"Ouch." Eddie grimaced.

"When Joe took me in after my parents died, I told her my feelings for her made sharing a bathroom with her very awkward. She said I shouldn't feel awkward, since she already cared about me like a sibling too."

"Wow, that's... that's some high rated levels of obliviousness right there." Eddie leaned up against the counter next to him. "That sucks. You're forgiven by the way."

"Thanks."

* * *

The Flash saves Barry again.

He's at court this time, having just testified at a trial regarding some evidence he'd processed that had been called into question - the evidence was considered sound and being upheld now, so that was a relief - only to to wind up the Mardon brother's hostage. Iris fights them and turns their powers against each other somehow before nullifying them altogether with some piece of tech that looked suspiciously like a wizard's staff.

Iris checks on him afterwards and then disappears, all mysterious save for the fact that he's sure she's headed for STAR Labs.

He somehow winds up talking to Linda Park again. At first she's just getting a statement from him about his ordeal and being saved by the Flash again. But then... she flirts with him. And its so nice being seen as attractive.

Somehow, Barry winds up tapping phones with her to swap their contact info. And making dinner plans for Thursday.

Dinner is nice. Breakfast is better.

* * *

Barry and Iris finally have time to hang out uninterrupted one Saturday afternoon.

"You've been saved by the Flash, what, three times now?" Iris teases. "Must be her favorite."

"Her favorite," Barry echoes, a touch dully. Then shrugs. "More like I'm just trouble prone. I mean, she's beautiful, smart, kind, brave... if she's noticed me at all, its because I'm constantly at the wrong place at the wrong time. It's not like there's anything special about me that stands out."

"What?" Iris blinked hard. "You're very special, Barr. You're, like, the most amazing guy I know." She paused a beat. "Do you have a crush on the Flash?" her eyes wide.

And that's it. That's really it. The final straw.

"I've had a crush on the Flash since I was eleven," Barry tells her quietly.

"Barry, don't be dramatic..."

"Tony shoved me in the mud. You remember that day, right? He shoved me in the mud and I sprained my wrist. You ran up and broke his nose. Saved me from getting kicked while I was down. That's when I fell in love with you." And Iris has gone so still, so quiet.

"I've told you, so many times and so many ways how I feel. But you don't listen. Because you don't feel the same way. I get it. We were best friends, though, and that was never second best. I wouldn't change our friendship for anything. But that first time you saved me with your powers? When they were still calling you the Streak? I recognized you. How could I not? And I tried telling you afterwards, that I knew. But you were trying so hard to hide the truth that I never had a chance. 

"You told Joe. You told the people at STAR Labs. But you were never going to tell me. And however you try to justify it, Iris... you chose not to tell me. You chose not to share your triumphs and your failures with me. Your joy over learning to use your speed and whatever struggles you've had since gaining these powers. You chose to leave me out, to show me how very little our friendship means to you after all these years."

"I wanted to keep you safe..." she said, pulling away. Stung, but not denying.

"You wanted to keep me ignorant," Barry replied. "I was never safe." When she doesn't respond, he gets up and walks away. And even though she's fast enough to catch up to him, Barry returns to his apartment alone.

* * *

"Iris?" Barry lets her in to his apartment on autopilot.

"Uh, hi..." Iris smiles, warily. "So I... I came here to apologize. If you'll hear me out?"

"I'd like to, but..."

"Oh, good, I..."

"Iris." Barry interrupts her interruption firmly. He waits until he's sure she's going to let him talk. "I would like to talk things out with you. But now isn't a good time. I've got a date in fifteen minutes. Well, more like ten. Unlike me, Linda's usually early and she's on her way to pick me up."

"You... you have a date." Iris ducked her head and muttered, "that's... that's great. Really. Great."

"You don't sound like its great." Barry reached out to touch her shoulder, but she was literally there one second and back by the door the next. All the way across his one-room apartment in the time it took him to take a single breath..

"I'm just... disappointed we can't talk now. But later is fine. Tomorrow? Afternoon?"

"Yeah, sure, just call first?" Barry feels weird about the smile on Iris' face as she nods and leaves. That's her fake smile.

And Barry is, perhaps, a little too distracted during his date with Linda.

* * *

"So you look distracted," Eddie said, hopping up on the lab table beside Barry. "And not good distracted. I thought you had a date with Linda last night."

"I did, but... It didn't go well. Also things are wrong with Iris right now." Barry grimaced when Eddie gave him an arch look, raised eyebrow and all. "She's been keeping a secret from me and I found out... well, a while ago. It's the sort of thing best friends are supposed to trust each other with, but... she trusted people she barely knew over me. I thought if I gave her time, she'd tell me herself. But its been pushing us apart even before I found out what she was hiding. And... Joe knew and has been lying to me about it too. I felt like I wasn't welcome around them anymore and it finally..."

"You told her you knew whatever it is she's been hiding and you two argued," Eddie filled in.

"Among other things." Barry sighed. "And argued is a strong word. More like I sprang on her that I knew because I was upset and then when she tried to explain things, I used my date with Linda as an excuse to put it off. And then I was off all during my date with Linda so I've probably screwed up things with both of them."

"Yeah, that doesn't sound great Barry." Eddie patted his shoulder. "So, how are you going to fix this?"

"Start with an apology, see where it goes," he sighed, not specifying who was talking about. It applied to both situations, really.

"At least with Iris, it sounds like you may be owed an apology there too. Since you're being very vague about what her secret is." He paused a beat, then added, "I'm assuming its not that she's got a girlfriend or something like that."

"No. I've known Iris was pan since... eleventh grade? And I, uh, walked into the living room to find her making out with my lab partner."

"You two are complicated," Eddie told him, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah. So, what's got you in such a good mood today?"

Eddie beamed and said, "unlike you, I had an excellent date last night. Jessica is just... amazing. Really."

"Spill. All the details, Thawne." Barry grinned as Eddie waxed lyrical about his date, glad that at least one of his relationships wasn't a total mess.

* * *

"Hey, look, Barry. We had fun, but I don't want to date someone who isn't as into me as I'm into him." Linda kissed him one last time.

Barry smiled, if a bit sadly. "I'm sorry Linda."

"Don't be. This is kind of the whole point of dating. To see if we work or not. And I'm glad we tried, even though we didn't work."

* * *

"So..." Iris twiddled her thumbs absently, not looking at Barry.

"So..." he echoed, settling on the couch beside her. They were at Joe's, though Joe himself had made an excuse of needing to make a grocery run to avoid the awkward atmosphere that had settled around them from the moment Barry let himself inside.

"I'm sorry," they chorused, near simultaneously. Which was when they finally looked at each other and laughed.

"I'm sorry, Iris. I should've pushed harder to let you know I'd figured out you were the Flash sooner than I did. A lot of this was just... problems in my own head getting out of hand and I hurt you. I'm really sorry for that."

Iris took one of Barry's hands in her own. "I should have told you. There were so many times I wanted you there and... it was my own fault you weren't. I told myself I was protecting you, but really I was being selfish. I have never regretted having you move in with us after your parents died. But I... I stopped having dad to myself. And he got so mad when I wanted to follow in his footsteps, to be a detective. But he was supporting me as the Flash and I... I wanted to keep it just us, for just a little while. Only then telling you became so hard because I'd been hiding it for so long."

Barry couldn't help but feel a little bitter that... he really had been intentionally pushed out. He slid his hand out of hers. "No wonder I felt like I was intruding all the time. You two had your secret and... I didn't belong."

"Barry... that's not..." she trailed off, at a loss for words.

"That's why I moved out. So you two would stop lying to me so much, even if it was only because we were talking less often. I felt like you two didn't want me here, Iris."

"We always want you here, Barry," she insisted, wiping at her face as the tears started. "I screwed up. I took you for granted. Please don't say I've lost my best friend."

Barry pulled her into a hug. "You're always gonna have me," he promised. "Always. And I know what you mean about it getting harder to say the longer you keep a secret."

"Because of your feelings for me?" Iris asked, pulling away.

"Yeah. And the more times I tried to tell you and failed? The harder it got to try again. Sometimes I wondered what the point of telling you would even be. It's not like you feel the same way." Barry drummed his fingers against his knees. "At some point, I guess telling you became something I needed to do for myself, because I just... never could seem to move on. Still can't seem to, even now."

"What about Linda?" Iris asked, sounding a touch confused.

"I like her, a lot... but she kind of figured out I'm holding a torch for someone else. We broke up. Amicably, thankfully, but... still."

"Break ups are hard," Iris muttered, the high wisdom Barry had solemnly imparted to her after she and her first boyfriend had split up in high school. "Ice cream makes it all better."

"We need some Rocky Road," Barry decreed and they laughed together as something finally eased between them.

* * *

Barry finally got a tour of STAR Labs. And he got to listen in on the comms while Iris ran out to stop a fire only to wind up fighting a pyrokinetic meta calling himself Firestarter. (Not the most imaginative of names.)

His beautiful, brave Iris, who ran back to his side, flushed with success only only slightly singed.

It had to have been his imagination, but for a moment there... for a moment, as she'd stood in front of him, reassuring him she was fine... Barry had thought she was leaning in to kiss him.

Wishful thinking, that was all.

* * *

From that point on? Barry got to be there. He gets to hold Iris' hand while Caitlin patched her up after a fight, gets to talk her through examining crime scenes over the comms, gets to cringe along with Cisco and Hartley when Iris deliberately mixes up _Star Wars_ and _Star Trek_. He finally gets to meet Dr. Wells and even play chess with him. (Which was amazing and Iris could stop teasing him about his science crush any day now.) Things with Joe were still rocky. They had to have their own heart to heart and iron things out between each other, but it was getting there.

What was important was that Barry finally felt like he had his life back; his family back.

He couldn't imagine things getting better than this, really. (Well, he could imagine, but after years of imagining what he couldn't have, Barry was trying to get out of that habit.) So he could be forgiven for not realizing what was going on at first.

Iris went through phases where she was touchy-feely and others where she was stand-offish. So he didn't really think much of the fact that she was suddenly being more tactile with him. Hugging him more, snuggling with him on the couch at Joe's more... holding his hand when they walked together...

They were also having dinner together more, but that's because they were catching back up with each other. Getting their friendship patched back up and re-familiarizing themselves with each other.

"See you at dinner," Barry said, mind already puzzling over the latest meta to challenge the Flash and how their powers worked.

"It's a date," Iris replied.

"Right, at eight..." Barry's brain stuttered to a halt. Rewound. "A date," he repeated blankly. Then he said her name a little helplessly because... he really needed her not to do that to him. To tease him with what he wanted, but couldn't have. Even though she wasn't doing it on purpose, it was mean...

"I mean it, Barry. A date. An actual, real date. You, me, possibly some kissing in there somewhere..."

"Iris..." he repeated her name because... he didn't know what else to say. He'd wanted this for so long, but how was he supposed to believe this was real now that the moment was here?

"You're my world, Barry. It took nearly pushing you away to make me realize how much I love you and need you in my life. Please say you'll go on a date with me?"

"Yes, I... of course," Barry hugged her, breathless with joy. "Yes, yes, yes," he chanted twirling them both around.


End file.
